The Come Back
Well hello there. Yes, it's surprising to me that I'm here too. It's been a while since I've written anything for, well, anything. I don't have to tell you that it's been a weird couple of years, what with a global pandemic. Nothing like that to cut down on travel. I did travel a bit, but I didn't blog. In 2021, I took an excellent trip to Portland with my partner Aaron, escaped to the sandy beaches of Naples, Florida with my family, and made a few road trips up to Detroit Lakes, Minnesota, to boat, eat, and laugh on the lake.
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I had some material, if not a lot of it. It was there if I wanted it. I almost wrote a few times. But I have found myself so weighted down by the weight of the world in so many small ways over the last few years. Unlike my hero Taylor Swift, who was blessed with prolific pandemic production, leading to not one but two new albums, in new genres no less, I was less than motivated by my bedroom walls closing in on me. I didn't have superfluous creative energy.
I spent a good chuck of 2020 wedging all the creative energy I had into propping myself up. Trying to find ways to see the people I loved, to find fulfillment after graduating, to keep myself entertained... I sang every day on the street, with my dad and sister, for the neighbors. A little family band, aptly named 6 Feet Apart, that if I may say so myself, was actually not half bad. However, the effort it took to put together a passable 2000s-pop-inspired costume for my dad each night, let alone a revolving library of setlists, and actually performing the music, was a herculean feat in and of itself! (The Todd Park neighborhood is now very well-versed in Broadway show tunes, Harry Styles, and Taylor Swift.) These performances were my liferaft, but they left absolutely no time, energy, or motivation for writing. I was too busy ad-libbing slightly tipsy song introductions on our driveway stage.
Cristiana, Grady, and Jim Dressed Up, Performing Songs From Disney's Frozen, in Their Driveway
I was feeling a little more escapist during the pandemic than I was reflective. (I know, fancy that! I'm sure I was the only one.) It was a time when I wanted to live in other people's art, instead of my own. Especially when a lot of my writing is autobiographical, sharing my own experiences. Nope. I didn't want to blog about my own life. I tried it a bit, out of some grand idea that I needed to document this weird moment in time for posterity. (You can read the three non-travel blog posts I scrapped together during this time here, if you're curious.) But my heart wasn't really in it. I wanted to spend my time soaking in the sunny hues of the Beatles' greatest hits, or the magical nostalgia of Disney love songs.
And then the world started to open up again! And like a lot of recent graduates and hapless twentysomethings, I landed myself in a job that wasn't the right fit. The amount of energy I devoted to staying afloat, productive, and engaged, was honestly, a little embarrassing. And that job required a lot of writing. And the more I wrote, the more absolutely soulless and cynical I felt doing the writing. Worse, it was blog writing. And I don't know if you've met me in person, but when it gets down to it, I can be very stubborn. Oh, I knew writing, "Top 10 Waterproof Bath Books for Babies" wasn't quite the same thing as travel blogging, but, to use a disturbingly punny idiom, I like to throw the baby out with the bathwater. And I was tired of the SEO blogging bathwater, so the travel blogging baby had to go too.
A Rare Photo of Me Writing "Top 10 Waterproof Bath Books for Babies" on my MacBook Pro 18
And then, I went down a spiral of TikTok content creation. (Remeber, hapless twentysomething!) And I didn't want to write or make any travel content because I didn't have a strong enough "brand" or "strategy". I do not have the patience or equipment to make the glossy travel-influencer content you see online. Plus, everyone and their cat is doing that, so like, you know, why bother? Someone else already wrote about visiting Chicago, and they probably did it better than me. I don't have the interest in really altering my travel plans "for the vine", either, you know? I don't want to do something just because doing it would make a good blog post or good content. I forget to take pictures of things, I can't remember what I ate for breakfast, and I spend whole days of my trips reading in the back seat of a rental car, or on a train seat. I don't know the best way to pack your suitcase or what brand of jacket is best for a spring visit to Paris.
Which all left me a little defeated. I was in my head about blogging as a format and travel as a topic. It's hard right now, especially as someone in the marketing field, to draw the distinction between "content", and "art". Without getting too philosophical, a lot of internet creation doesn't "exist" without views or likes. A book, an essay collection, a memoir, a journal... All those things to some extent are recognized as a high craft or art, able to exist on their own merit. Yes, they need readers. But they don't need readers to be seen as a worthy accomplishment. But when you put something on the internet, it's really easy to get sucked into the construct of needing an audience to justify what you are doing. A post without likes is a failure. A video without viewers is worthless. Online, you can throw words into a void without anything to show for it.
So you had better like words. And you had better like your own words. There is a certain amount of hubris and confidence needed to write about your own life. Especially in long form. Because you can spend hours writing about something only to realize nobody really cared to read it. And you have to be okay with that and find an intrinsic value and motivation in the act of writing and documenting itself. You have to enjoy the process, the wordsmithing, and the creation. You have to simultaneously believe very deeply that your own story matters to you. You have to be grounded enough to share and be vulnerable. And to have the audacity to think it holds any value out in the world. Because, really, like all art, you're putting a piece of yourself out there, and there's no guarantee of an audience. And we live in an internet world at least, that views value in terms of views.
Goddamnit, people, I don't even have a market niche! I don't have a following or a good backstory, or a clever twist as to why you should read my travel experience over someone else's. I don't live out of a van, or always travel alone, or always on a budget, or always stay in 5-star hotels. I don't have a "thing". I just have an unlisted blogger site, and a Facebook page.
Clearly, I get in my head. I didn't feel much like writing. A little because I was genuinely feeling lost, unmoored, and jaded. A little because I wasn't doing a lot of traveling, so it was easy to just forget about blogging. A little because I was creatively and emotionally exhausted. And a little because I was just being a bit, as the French say, dramatiquement existentielle*, about the capitalistic nature of my last 50 billion blog posts and my place in an oversaturated travel content industry. So to cut off my nose to spite my face, no blogging, no writing... (I did though, end up making some TikToks, which led me to accidentally side-stepping into a brand niche for myself, as the puzzle mystery girl. This is its own story, but it is kind of ironic how I didn't feel like I had a strong enough "brand" to make "content" but then I made a dumb puzzle video and created a brand by accident. But again, another story.)
Not wanting to write was a problem at my last job, but was fine at my next job, as a Starbucks barista. Hell, any stories I wanted to tell, I had a captive audience of anywhere between 3-8 other baristas stuck on the drive-thru headset system with me. That's not even to mention the customers. I didn't need to BLOG about my experiences when I had 4-Shot-Venti-Double-Cupped-Americano-Judy, or Grande-Iced-Skim-Milk-Blonde-Skinny-Vanilla-Latte-Lauren to regale with tales. Someone had to keep them entertained while they waited for Josh** to hurry up and get them their drinks already! It was a sacred duty I took quite seriously.
A Couple of Barista Besties on Break. From Left to Right, Cristiana, Becca, and Dylan
AND THEN I moved to Florida. And friends, I didn't WANT to write about Florida. (Please remember, here, for context, that I've already fessed up to being stubborn.) I wanted to work for Disney, but Florida was not something I was interested in writing about because I had already decided, like many of my Northern siblings, to write off Florida as a butthole of a state. (No offense intended........ Just trying to be honest!) Also, I'm working so it's not a trip, per se? But I was recently approached to write a blog post about the history of Christmas lights for a virtual self-guided tour company called Built Story, and I had so much fun writing it. Completely short-story, long, then short again, it reminded me why I love writing. Why I love blogging. (And hearing myself talk, of course!)
I know this is a long-winded explanation of why there haven't been posts. One nobody particularly asked for. But it was important for me to write because I want to acknowledge first, that it is okay to take a break from something you love. It doesn't mean you won't come back for it when you're ready. And that it's okay to get lost for a little while in the middle. Second, I wanted, if even in a small way, to acknowledge the ways blogging, writing, storytelling, and traveling have all changed since my last post in 2019. Not to mention the ways this space has changed since I first started this blog when I was 12 years old.
All this nonsense is to say, I am working on a series of blog posts about my time down here in Florida, as a part of the Disney College Program, and I am really excited about it. (All experiences are my own, and I in no way speak for the Walt Disney Company. That's right, I read my media guidelines!) So keep your eye out. There are some new posts coming your way soon. Because its time to start writing again, not because I have to, or because it's a job, or because it's a great personal brand strategy, but because I feel like it. I want to. Idk the ~muse is speaking to me~ and who am I to deny the muse?
Milena, Sam, Kirsten, and Cristiana, After Disney "Traditions", Which Marked Their First Official Day as Cast Members
xoxo,
Cristiana
*Please note that this is not actually a phrase the French say, to my knowledge... I mean, like, a French person has probably said that but it's not like, a thing, you know? If anything, the French would never want to acknowledge when they are being dramatically existential, because it's a lot harder to be dramatically existential about life and art when you call yourself out on it. And the French and I share a love of being dramatically existential and wallowing in it. However, I digress. This is just a footnote.
**In all actuality, if you ever visited our store, you'd know Josh can whip out drinks like nobody's business. I looked like a chump in comparison. But he's fun to roast. Like... Like a coffee bean! Get it? Roast?
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